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Getting Kinky: How to Share Your Fetish or Fantasy

8njhrj-640x500Let’s be honest… Most everyone has some type of secret fantasy, fetish, or kinky desire. They have something in the back of their mind (or tucked in the back of a closet) that they are just dying to share with the right partner. But, bringing up the topic with a date or mate can be difficult. How do you go from “sexual fantasies” to “reality”?

Like most things on this blog, we can find the solution in persuasion and influence! So, break out your kama sutra, BDSM gear, or that little nurses outfit, and read on. Below are 5 steps to introducing your partner to what really turns you on.
How To Get Kinky
1) Realize that Fantasies and Kinks are Normal

Before you discuss your desires with anyone else, you first must be comfortable with them yourself. You may well be your partner’s first introduction into the topic. As a result, you will be leading them. If you are comfortable, they will be comfortable. Besides, despite the often sexually-repressive culture, everyone has something a bit “kinky”. So, embrace your inner desires.

Getting comfortable with your desired fetish or fantasy serves two persuasive purposes. First, you end up modeling the type of positive behavior you hope your partner follows. Second, you “normalize” the behavior and request, making it easier for your partner to accept as part of their worldview. When they see you discussing it comfortably, they come to feel that it is a normal and comfortable topic to discuss (and later take part in). So, to be persuasive, get comfortable with your fantasy and accept it…then share it.
2) Communicate that Your Desires are Intimate and Special

There is an unfortunate misconception that fantasies, fetishes, and kink necessarily “objectify” and “distance” lovers from one another. Usually, just the opposite is true. Sharing your secret sexual cravings with a special partner can increase trust and intimacy. It is a special, private piece of who you are that you are giving to someone else.

As a result, be sure to communicate that you want to share your fantasies or fetishes as “something intimate and special, with a special person”. Highlight the fact that your partner is unique, special, and you desire to share the behavior as an intimate experience with them. This operates on the influence principle of “scarcity” – where individuals value more what is special, rare, or unique. So, when you make the request intimate and special, you also make it scarce…and irresistible.
3) Demonstrate that Others are Enjoying It

Pretty much anything you are into has some coverage in movies, magazines, videos, etc. For some reason Netflix movies seem to be a goldmine for fantasy, fetish, and kink. In any case, lightly expose your partner to a bit of that “culture”. Casually comment about an article you read. Select a movie that features that type of fetish. Show them a video online that a “buddy” happened to send you. Begin to expose them to positive representations of the activities you like.

Yes, this does follow another influence principle – the principle of social proof. Individuals often choose to do what they see other people doing (especially when those people enjoy it). So, showing or discussing positive examples of “other people doing” what you desire will make your partner more interested and agreeable to it.